For You

This is for you. You're 15 minutes of fame in a chapter of my life. The 15 minutes I swore I would never give you, but you asked for it, so here it is.

I told you that I would never say anything untrue or anything that would degrade you. I told you I would never share with others what we had whether it was good or bad. Our eight years together was something that was shared between us and should have been kept between us.

I believe that when two people are in a relationship, the events, emotions, and bonds that are shared between them are something special, something that only they understand at that moment in time. Those moments will never be able to be brought back, and the feelings that were shared during them have been distorted by the lack of understanding on your part. Now that you have decided to share these moments with others, you have destroyed the meaning that they did have or could have ever had. And though you say you never loved me or don't care about anything we once had, I think myself and others could agree that it's a sad excuse to cover up the the fact that you know you screwed up, you don't know how to fix it, and instead of fessing up to your insecurities and fears, you continue to destroy anything and everything that pertains to us... me.

While I have tried to explain to you the reasons why I left the one I so desperately wanted to share my life with, you did nothing but take those reasons, eat them up, and spit them out. I'm sorry that you can't grasp the fact that at the moment where you went where no one should ever go with their love, that it was that moment that was the turning point for me to realize that the one and only that I wanted was now any longer the ONE. I even gave you a second chance to redeem your violent behavior, but when it happened again, I knew I wasn't going to stay and allow you to walk all over me any longer.

I think it's classic that you made everyone around us think I left you because I wanted to be with someone else, when in fact I left you because you let the alcohol get the best of you and bring out the absolute worst in you. I hoped and still hope that you never share a moment like that with any other woman. And while I should have stood up for myself and told others the real reason I left, I didn't. I didn't for you. Like I said, whether the moments are good or bad, they should be kept between those two people. Because I knew you were hurt, I let you relish in your sick little lies that you led others into believing so that you could try and make yourself feel better. No matter what you said about me, I never ran your name through the dirt, because I knew the guilt you felt for doing what you did to me and the hurt you felt because you knew I would never come back to you.

I let you talk your trash and spread your rumors in hopes that one day you would come around and realize the words you talk and the feelings of hate that you have are not really towards me, but towards yourself for letting me go. You chose this whether you realize it or not. The moment you chose your alcohol and the moment you chose to behave in a manner that was uncalled for was the moment you decided we were over, the moment you decided we would never have a chance, the moment you decided for me that I was done with you.

I know it was easier for you to think I was wandering out with someone else. The truth is I was out meeting other people, but only because you let me.

I knew you talked to other girls, emailed other girls, went and took other girls to dinner, and even shared moments with other girls that you didn't share with me while we were together. But I still stood by you thinking you would change because I knew you loved me and not them. I knew you drank a lot, and so did I, I still stood by you thinking it was just because we were young and having a good time. I know we had crazy outbursts and sometimes fought like cats and dogs, but I still stood by you because we were young, immature and didn't know any better at the time. We weren't too good at sharing our feelings and getting our point across, but I still stood by you because I thought we could eventually learn together and get through it, that's what it's all about right? When everyone told me to leave you, I still stood by you because I thought we could prove them wrong... I thought we had a love that could withstand any storm that came our way. But when you were the one that provided the storm I knew that I was being blinded by a love that wasn't really there. That's when I started to lose hope, when I started to open up myself to others, when the blinders came off and I could see what everyone else was seeing all along. That's when I left you.

I can tell you that when I left, a part of me hoped that things still might work out between you and I. But I was just holding on to the good times that we had, and what I was really thinking was that I hoped that things could just be the way they were before we got smacked by reality.
The reality was that we were a disaster. We were in our own world... we thought we were untouchable and that everything was good when in reality we were our own destruction. They say all good things must come to an end. But how do you end it when you're having such a good time? It took the storm that you provided for me to realize that it was time for me to move on in my life or we would be stuck in the hole that we created for ourselves that we didn't even know we were digging. But once I came back to reality, I didn't want to go back to the way things were, and I didn't hate you for what you did to me, but I was relieved that I pulled myself out before we got buried.

While I moved on and met my breathe of fresh air, you held on to turmoil and bashed me every chance you got. As if the detriment that you caused me when we ended wasn't enough, you dragged it out into the years up until now.

I have tried to create a civil and friendly relationship with you because regardless of the pain that we caused each other, we did love each other whether you would like to admit it or not. And yes, you will always have a special part in my heart because I spent everyday for six years with you and I would like to hope that it wasn't for nothing. Whether it meant anything to you or not, I learned a life of lessons while I was with you. I'm not ashamed to tell anyone that I will always be there for you because I will always care for you as a friend no matter how much irrelevant babble falls from your mouth. You're in pain and that's OK. I'm sorry that you're stuck where you are or feel the need to do or say the things about me that you do. It's no sweat off my back. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. We shared a lot together and you even have videos to prove it... who wouldn't have videos of a significant other if they were in a relationship together for eight years?

All in all, I'm happy where I'm at now, and even though it's hard for you to believe that I'm happy without you, I really am! I hope one day you will wake up, grow up, and find someone that will make you as happy as I am. It's a wonderful thing, and even though we loved each other, it wasn't the type of love that two people who spend the rest of their lives together should have had... thus the reason why we will never spend our lives together as one. But I will be here for you as a friend as I have said once before. And though I know you will continue to talk non-sense, because that's just what you will always do until you grow up, if you ever even do, just know that I can and will always rise above your arrogant behavior that you so desperately force upon others! You're words and lies no longer hurt me but just make me sad to know that your soul is so tormented. For a single second throughout the years I felt bad for leaving you, but quickly woke myself up and remembered that things are the way they are because of what you did. And while you clearly don't have it in you to thank yourself yet for how things are today, I do thank you because I have a wonderful life that I wouldn't have had if I was still with you.

And like I told you before, I will never stoop to your level and say things that are untrue or that would degrade you as you have done or said about me.

This is your 15 minutes of fame... I hope you enjoyed it... because... I sure did!