The Insider EXPOSED

Dear Readers,

I will respond to those of you whom I haven't responded to yet in a couple of days. I will be taking a break and regathering my thoughts as I lost a dear friend today.

Thank you!

Dear Anonymous,

I'm not quite sure why all the questions are so serious... I'm just responding to my readers and so far they have been asking questions on a serious note.

But if you want to lighten it up it a bit, go ahead! HA! Ask me something funny! I am up to answer ANYTHING! This is everyone's chance to get to know anything and any side of me that they want to know... so enjoy it, cause it won't last long. Now is your chance, so take it.

Thank You




Dear Suzie,

Thank you for your interest in my writings and taking the time to not only read them, but comprehending, sharing and reacting to them. Thank you for the encouraging words and the inspiration for me to not be afraid to explore and discover myself through writing. You are an intellectual and amazingly talented person and am proud to call you a true friend.

Thank You!




Dear Anonymous,

Ryan is the man who gave me the most amazing gift in my life, my daughter. He is down right hilarious, absolutely compassionate, incredibly witty, and constructively clever and handy. We like to call him the "Trout Slayer" because I have never seen such a patient and skilled mind that can outwit one of the most jittery and quickest fish of them all. With his trout slaying abilities, one of a kind ingenious ideas, proficiency in being able to fix anything around the house, expertise in growing the finest vegetables in town, and an incredible personality that can attract creatures of all natures, he is someone I would highly recommend anyone should get to know. I can recall 360 reasons why anyone could love him.

Even though Ryan is definitely all male, he encompasses the ability to be understanding, passionate, and kind. He is a remarkable father to my daughter and I admire his tenderness, love, and devotion towards her. She is the apple of his eye and he exudes that for all to see. They have a bond that is pure, unconditional, and utterly untouchable. I feel, by far, exceptionally privileged and fortunate to be able to call him the father of my daughter.



Thank you




Dear Young One,

I am still unable to explain what I truly want and need in life as I feel I am just now realizing what has created, molded, and distinguished my inner thoughts, desires, and motives. I am learning to encompass the beauty to be able to reflect within myself in order to determine what path and what reason my being is intended to be on earth. I do know that I truly want to be a representation of my beliefs, understandings, and ideas of the world. I am not hear to negatively impose my views on others, but only hope that I can help and inspire at least one soul to be enlightened not by me, but by all that this life has to offer.

I also do truly know that I don't think of what I want anymore, but I now make decisions based on what is necessary to improve myself in order to enhance my daughters life in each way needed. With that, I recognize that I don't always make the best judgements, but can only be open and accepting to that and learn how to correct them and move forward in a positive direction.

In answer to your question about me being happy... that's a a simple one word answer... YES!

My decision to have my daughter was based on what was essential and the next natural step in my life. I do have every intention of getting married at some point because that also will be a natural step for me as well. However, sometimes what we so desperately want in life at a certain moment in time is not what we necessarily need in the long run. Just because marriage seemed to be the next best decision, the belief that I was ready to commit to another human soul was drastically dis positioned as I realized that myself as well as others still yearned for answers as to who I was. I came to the realization that my life was living and was about to harbor another life without any drive to direct another soul in a meaningful path. This was because everything I thought I knew about myself was only skin deep and that I had so much more to offer that I needed to discover. On that note, I also became conscious of the fact that it was not fair to capture and commit to another being without knowing why and what I knew I could and would be able to offer them. That was a situation I was able to control verses the situation of me bringing my daughter into this world. The decision to have my daughter was already made as I said before because it was an essential and natural decision for me to make. But my decision to marry could not be carried out because I wasn't fulfilled with myself and therefore didn't feel I could fulfill that other person at that time.

You also ask what truly makes me happy and satisfied...

Love, laughter, creation, untouched beauty, mysteriously created beauty. Life, mistakes, and human nature at it's finest... and last but not least, but most important, the smile and inspiration my daughter gives me and will give me every day, hour, minute, and second of my life.

Thank you





Dear Suzie,

In a nut shell...

My life is chaotic because I am the product of carelessness, surprise, disaster, lies, betrayal, heartbreak, and mischief. I am imperfection at it's best... I openly admit that I used to be naive and emotionally driven but am learning to redirect my anger from the past and and present to be aware, conscious and responsible for my actions and reactions. Not that I want to lose my emotions or not let them aid in my decisions, but I want to overcome my emotions before acting irrational. Someone once told me that we are wise if we learn from our own mistakes, but are extraordinary if we can learn from the mistakes of others. I want to be able to hear, comprehend and utilize the experienced language of those around me. I am slowly learning to deliberate situations in order to reason and compromise with my environment.

In addition,

My life is beautiful because I am also the product of love, understanding, practicality, open mindedness, pride, independence, personality, and light. My family is there for me yet they don't overwhelm me. My daughter is the most beautiful creation in this world and gives me every hope, want, and desire to better myself in all means, methods, and manner. My friends, family, and associates are remarkable in that they are supportive creatures in which I confide and trust in. I see the world not as deceit, evil, and contradiction, but view it in edification and see the wonder, creation, and promising existence it has to offer. I admire those who have the ability to imagine and perform outside the bubble and have encouraging hopes that those who don't will attain the knowledge they necessitate in order to emerge from their cocoon.

Thank you